Fear

As you can tell, I took a break from blogging. I wish it was because I was lazy, or was too busy. It wasn't any of those things. I stopped blogging because I didn't want to share what was happening to me with the whole wide world.

Looking back I think it was mostly fear. Fear that I wouldn't get healthy, fear that my illness would be long term or deadly, fear that if I shared my experience beyond my circle of friends I would be burdening or hurting others.

I used to casually say that I was terrified of something, but no longer. I know what true fear is. I surprise myself because it isn't of death. I'm fearful of leaving Richard alone, and of never getting to know our future children.

But now the fear is manageable, and I've gone back to work, back to life. I will be posting more regularly from now on - about the happy things in my life, the reasons for living.

Shan